A Productive Day!

Lately, a productive day for me means that I managed to keep my meals from coming back up. I've been fighting the nausea at all times of the day. It hits me when I least expect it, even though I should expect it to hit pretty much all the time. But today, I wore my Sea Bandz, and they seemed to stave off the nausea enough for me to get my chores done.

That being said, here is the list I tackled today:

• Folded 4 loads of laundry
• Washed 2 more loads of laundry(yesterday I managed to wash 2 loads)
• Emptied the dishwasher
• Washed dishes and refilled the dishwasher
• Called my student loan providers to discuss repayment options
• Emailed my daughter's teacher to confirm what time they were performing on their school play (which is when my first prenatal appointment is scheduled)
• My ObGyn created a requisition for a lab that my insurance won't cover, so I contacted the lab through which my insurance is contracted and requested the codes for their test equivalents. 
• I contacted my doctor and spoke with her assistant, and her assistant will be making a new requisition for me to pick up on my way to get my kids from their dad's house (they didn't have school today).
• I scheduled an appointment with the genetics counseling office.

I'll be getting ready soon to pick up my girls. But I also feel super-tired since I didn't go to sleep after my husband left EARLY this morning for work, and I've done more in one day than I've managed to do in weeks.

I'd call today a very productive day, and I did it all before noon!

Pregnancy Brain

My husband called his work to go in a half hour later than he was expected. The reason? Another crying fit came on. I was laying in bed after breakfast because the morning sickness kicked in. The weather the last couple of days has been so beautiful--cool and sunny--but I couldn't take advantage of exercising outdoors or anything because I've been nauseated, fatigued, or both.

The crying fit came on just as my husband was about to leave for work. I tried to hold back the tears, but they just came gushing out along with the sad, wimpery sobs. He kissed me good-bye, apologizing that he couldn't stay, and I understood, but I still felt miserable. I lay in bed crying for a couple more minutes, and then I got up to go pee. I cried while peeing too. I was a blubbering mess. As I came out of the bathroom, to my surprise, my husband was there, and he told me that he could stay for a half an hour. 

We laid together in bed, and he let me cry. He soothed me and comforted me, and made me feel so loved. He held me close. He made me laugh too. He said that it's just like when we argue. He's the only man in my life whose ever stood up to me, so it's no wonder that his offspring would do the same to me in my womb. By the time he left, I had stopped crying. 

My daughters are at their dad's house for the weekend. I woke up this morning not knowing what day it was. I wondered if the kids were up yet, and I realized that they weren't home. I miss them when they're gone. And I know that having this baby will not make me miss them any less. I feel complete when my children and my husband are together as a family. 

I spent the majority of my day in bed--sick, of course. I took a 2 hour nap, and I woke up sick. I did manage to get dressed and leave the house to get a bowl of Pho (Vietnamese soup), and I also cooked Jeff and I breakfast this morning (bacon, scrambled eggs, and fresh guacamole). I played with my new phone (we just upgraded our phones to the Note 4), and playing with all the features is a welcome distraction from my own discomfort. 

We had our first ultrasound this last week. It was amazing. Our baby was doing a little dance, wiggling its little arms and legs. It was adorable! Seeing the ultrasound was a very real experience for my husband, a first-time father. I think he felt that sensation that only parents feel when they see their child for the first time. That overwhelming sense of love and the need to protect the child (and the vessel in which their growing) washes over you, and you know that this child belongs to you, and you feel responsible for giving it the best that you can offer.

I have pregnancy brain. I'm forgetting words. I can't remember the topic we were just discussing. And my thoughts are totally random. Kind of like this post. I have no….(of course, I can't think of the word right now……direction for anything right now, except to take one day at a time. Although I feel like a useless sac most of the time due to the morning sickness, I have to remember one very important fact:

I AM GROWING A BABY 24 HOURS A DAY! 

In the end, it will all be worth it.

The Serendipity of Timing & Location

We were going to stay at a friend's house on Friday night, but we instead got a hotel room in downtown. Saturday morning, I considered taking my kids to a crepe restaurant, but I found one closer that we hadn't been to in a while. I posted my location on Instagram, and that account is attached to my Facebook account. My best friend from high school messaged me and said she was at the crepe restaurant that we were originally going to go to. She said she was considering going to the restaurant that we were at, but they had gone there last weekend. After a few messages back and forth, we decided to meet up. It was more than a year since we had seen each other, and although it was a short visit, our conversations always fall into a comfortable rhythm like it was yesterday.

On our way home, my husband wanted to stop at a burger joint known for their deep fried mushrooms. With my morning sickness still in effect, I wanted nothing to do with the smell of what I would have previously considered tantalizing pre-pregnancy. I decided, instead, to go to the Thai restaurant down the street that my husband and I went to on our first date. I would pick up my husband and kids after I was finished.

Parking was difficult to find, but I finally found a spot really close to the restaurant. When I went in, they were closed! I was so disappointed! I Yelped other Thai restaurants in the area, and because we were in a downtown area, everything was within walking distance. The next Thai restaurant was 8 minutes away, so I trekked towards the restaurant. On my walk, I passed a little, baby store boutique that I used to frequent when my first two children were babies. The nostalgia of the times my kids were babies waved over me, but my focus was on getting my Thai food. 

I didn't much enjoy my Thai food. I felt nauseated the whole time. I took the same route back to my car that I took to the restaurant. I passed the baby store and stopped in with one mission: Preggie Pops. I spotted exactly what I needed at at the register and purchased 2 boxes of Preggie Pops. I eagerly popped the savory candy into my mouth and felt instant relief.

If the Thai restaurant that I had originally planned on eating at was open, I would have never passed the  baby boutique. If I hadn't passed the baby boutique, I would never have stopped and remembered that they had Preggie Pops. If you ever doubt the question of whether or not everything happens for a reason, let the serendipity of timing and location be the answer. The answer may not be as immediate as  going to breakfast or stopping at a baby boutique when you're desperate to resolve the symptoms of morning sickness. The answer may happen months or years beyond the previous decision that you may have regretted as you went on your journey, but the answer will make itself clear, and it's usually an answer that works in your favor.

I went through a not-so-happy marriage, but two beautiful children resulted from the marriage. I struggled to survive as a single mother, working full-time, making LOW wages as an optician at, ironically, an upscale optometrist office, and also pursuing my college education full-time. I missed my kids because my schedule was horrible and coincided with mall/retail hours, and on my time off I had to commit to to my studies. I went from 4 years of doing everything for my children and family to merely trying to survive and get through the madness of pursuing my college degree while raising two kids. 

I couldn't see it then, but all of that led me to this moment. I am now happily married, and my children have their mother 100% of the time. I am having a baby with the most gentle and loving man, who already dotes on me and the children and, quite frankly, spoils us rotten. I will never discount anything that happens in my life, by choice or by chance, as I now believe everything that happens surely happens for a reason.

We Told the Kids!

Tuesday, December 30th, is when the morning sickness started rearing it's ugly head. By Thursday, January 1st, I was an emotional wreck, and I stayed housebound (and mostly bed-ridden) until I went to pick up my kids from their dad's on Sunday. I was laid up with nausea and seriously fatigued. I'm not sure if it was the hormones that was making me so tired or if being nauseated was so overwhelming that all I wanted to do was sleep. Either way, I was not ready to be back on a schedule.

But like most generations of women before me, I had to suck it up and deal with it. I still wasn't feeling good on Monday, and I realized that me being sick without an explanation would affect my kids. I at least wanted to wait until we got our first ultrasound, but I realized that, at this rate, the morning sickness could potentially last beyond our ultrasound, and that's a long time for the kids to see Mommy lazing around on the couch, lethargic, sick, nauseated.

And since it would be another 14 days until we were scheduled for our first ultrasound, my husband and I thought it would be best to go ahead and tell the kids so they had an understanding of why I felt so sick all the time.

We called them to the family room, and my husband told them the news that they were going to have a baby brother or sister. My oldest daughter was so excited! She was dancing around, singing, and ecstatic about the prospect of having another brother or sister. It took my youngest a few moments to get used to the idea of a baby brother or sister. She was in disbelief. She looked at me with her big, puppy-dog, brown eyes while they brimmed with tears, "Are you really going to have a baby?"

I said, "Yes, Sweetheart. You're going to be a big sister."

She said she didn't know why she was crying, but she said she wasn't sad. I think the news shocked her quite a bit. My oldest asked to call her best friend to tell her the news. We talked about when the baby would be due, and how old each child would be when the baby was born.

All in all, the news of a baby was accepted well by the kids. Each had her own reaction, and they are very excited to help out. We still want to wait until we've gotten past the first trimester (February 15th) before we make our announcement public, but it would be nice to have some emotional support from my peeps on social media, as this morning sickness is kicking my ass! Until then, my husband is the family's hero. He works 48 hours per week (lately), and he's been doing the dishes, laundry, and cooking our meals while I work just to stay upright without wanting to hurl. I consider myself the luckiest wife and mommy.

35 vs. 25

My children's godmother, Sally, and I were having a conversation today about age. Age isn't suppose to mean a thing, but it sure does take its toll a lot faster than we expect. Everything isn't as taut nor is it as perky as it once was. Things droop and gravity takes its toll in places you wish it wouldn't, and the weight gain is easier and more permanent without regular exercise and a healthy diet.

I can't sit cross-legged without my knees stiffening up when I try to unbend them. I'm not as active as I once was, so all the flexibility I had when I was a teenager, active in Taekwondo, and the energy I had in my early twenties has literally gone to the wayside.

Sally wished she could have her thirties back, and I wished for my twenties. I could get 4 hours of sleep and get up to go snowboarding the very next day. I could study all night for midterms and exams, and I'd be alert and ready to ace my chemistry test or that history final (all in essay format) the next day.

Today, just like every day in the last 5 days, I've had morning sickness. It's such helpless feeling. I've also had a sinus headache that pounds the right side of my brain just behind my eye. The first two days of morning sickness were baaaaad, and I was surprised at how quickly my body was "adjusting" and making accommodations for the little sesame seed growing inside of me. What's worse, at 35, I'm more attuned to my body, so it makes this experience all the more excruciating. I don't feel like eating because I don't want to feel nauseated afterward, and I more than likely am nauseated from the moment I open my eyes in the morning. Nothing sounds remotely appetizing to eat, but I at least acknowledge that hungry feeling and force myself to eat when it happens.

My boobs throb in different places throughout the day, and they're even growing at a faster rate than I recall in my previous pregnancy. I feel winded, and I swear my back and hips are already making adjustments, because when I walk, I almost feel like waddling. But I'm only 6 weeks along, so the true waddling won't happen until the sesame seed is more fully grown and putting weight on my hips and pelvic area.

Last Thursday, I was sitting at home--nauseated--watching television, and all of a sudden I felt the urge to cry. It came from nowhere. I wasn't sad. The television show I was watching wasn't even depressing, but I just felt like crying. And I did. And I couldn't stop! It was so annoying. My husband was on his walk, but I didn't know how long he would be. I tried to stop crying, but I couldn't. When he came home, I cried even more.

He tried to comfort me and recommended that I try to freshen myself up to feel better. I did that (all the while crying), and I managed to snap out of it. Or so I thought. I told him I didn't know why I felt so emotional. Mind you, my husband's humor isn't for everyone and, at times, isn't for me. He answered, "Maybe it's because you're such a wimp." He was joking of course, but guess what? I was so incredibly butt-hurt, that I started my second round of crying. I was so upset! He tried to explain that I was joking. I ran to the bathroom and I closed the door. What was happening to me?!?! We bust each other's balls all the time! He was standing there when I came out of the bathroom, nose red and stuffed up, eyes puffy and still watering with tears. As scornfully as I could through my sobs, I said, "You--need--to--be---nice----to----me!----Waaaaaaah!"

I was sensitive to chemical-ly smells in my first pregnancy (like paint), both meat and vegetables made me want to puke in my second pregnancy, but I never felt like crying like this pregnancy has done to me! I don't think I had morning sickness this early either.

Perhaps I'm just super-sensitive (and a wimp), but I also know I'm no spring chicken, and I need to honor when my body is sick or tired or achy or uncomfortable. I don't have as much energy (already having 2 children) as I did in my twenties, and the idea of being sick for 3 months straight can be depressing enough without having to worry about laundry, and cooking, and getting the kids to school, and picking them up, etc.

Thirty five, so far, has been a monumental year. I got married to a man that adores me and my daughters, and I found out I was pregnant with my third child, his first. I celebrated my first Mother's Day when I was 25. My daughter was only 6 months old. I may not have more energy this time around than I did ten years ago, and my body may be ultra-sensitive too, but the one thing that having a 10 year old and a 6 year old has given me is experience (and later on, live-in babysitters).

With the help of baby center.com and my 2 previous pregnancies, I know what to expect (when I'm expecting). I know there's a reason why I cramp up sometimes, why my boobs are aching, and why I'm so nauseated. I'll know how to change a diaper (unless it's a boy, then I'll have to enlist the assistance of my family members who have baby boys to show me how), and I know how to make homemade, organic baby food. I know about schedules and how babies and children thrive on consistency. I may be going into this pregnancy with more days of morning sickness than my last, but I'm going into it with more knowledge of what is yet to come.

I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm elated. I felt the same way when I was pregnant with my 2 other children. I guess some things never change regardless if you're 25 or 35, and the joy of motherhood is forever.

Bacon Snatcher

We had our first pre-baby/no kids getaway for a few days in the city this last week. We stayed in a 4-star hotel, and had a spectacular view of the bay from the 29th floor. Although there were shutters on the windows, the sunrise peeked through the cracks of the shutters, beckoning to be seen. And what a sight to wake up to!

I got motion sickness on the BART, but not enough to lay me out for the night. It was a VERY chilly evening, and although my coat seemed like it would be warm enough, it wasn't. The wind was a biting right through my my clothes. My husband and I like to Yelp restaurants in the area, and we stumbled upon a fantastic Italian restaurant. We walked there checking into our hotel, and we shared a delicious margarita pizza and their house made gnocchi. We were suppose to see the Hobbit, but I was already feeling pretty tired. We ended up going back the hotel room and renting Fury. I fell asleep at the beginning, but woke up to watch the majority of it. We didn't sleep very long.

The next day, we went shopping at Neiman Marcus, and I got the cutest matching Michael Kors, orange beanie and gloves to keep me warm. After, we saw the Hobbit in 3D IMAX. The movie started at 12:30pm. Having not had a lot of sleep, and with my body wanting to shut down by noon every day, I, too, fell asleep for most of the beginning of this movie too. We weren't too fond of the soap-opera look that the 3D effect generated, and we didn't like it as much as the first Hobbit. We went back to the hotel and took a nap, and we got ready to see the play, Promises, Promises. We stopped and got a hot drink to enjoy as we walked to the play. I was hungry before the first act began, but since we wanted to sleep longer durning our nap, we decided to forego dinner until after the play. By the second act, I was hungry, but the play was so entertaining that I was able to forget about my hunger. 

By the time the play was over, it s nine o'clock. We had a difficult time finding restaurants that were open, but my husband found one called Hogwash. Although I'm not a big fan of hot dogs and sausages, I was willing to eat anything at this point! Let me tell you that the dinner we had tasted like the most amazing dinner I had ever had in my life! The curry fries were crunch and delectably tasty, and the hot dog we shared had house-made pickles that enhanced each mouth-watering bite! I will definitely be coming back here for when I need to give into my cravings. Surprisingly, I did not get sick off the food. 

The next morning we were packing up our things. The hotel room was toasty and warm, but I started to get light headed and dizzy. Being up for a couple of hours and not having yet eaten was starting to get to me. I felt like I was going to pass out! The cool San Francisco air helped to alleviate some of my discomfort, but the next mission was to find food, STAT!

We found a restaurant called the Grove where you order your food in line, and they bring you your food. My husband ordered a bacon scramble, and I had a breakfast burrito. Although I've had an aversion to meat lately, the idea of bacon sounded pretty good, so we decided to order a side and share it. 

After eating his bacon scramble, my husband started tucking into the bacon. He picked up the first piece. It was thick and crispy, and he seemed to enjoy it. The other two pieces were not so esthetically perfect. They were tangled up with each other, but he picked the less mangled of the two. I was so annoyed that he was eating both pieces of bacon when he already had bacon in his scramble! That, and he was leaving me with the most mangled piece of bacon! 

He was over halfway done with his second piece of bacon, and I hunched over, gave him a look that sent daggers flying towards him, I growled, and ripped the bacon out of his mouth!

No. That really didn't happen. But that's how my husband will tell you it happened. He said he thought there were 4 pieces of bacon, but once he realized there were only 3, he gave me what was left of the 2nd piece. At first, I wanted to throw a fit and not eat any of the bacon. But who am I kidding. I ate it anyway. It was delicious! It was my first hormonal moment over food, and I apologized to my husband for my reaction. Certainly, I'm territorial. But not usually with food. And although my morning sickness is in full swing, and I don't even want to eat any meat at all, I will, now, forever be dubbed the "Bacon Snatcher."