The author recommends tackling everything at once--easily done when it's just you (and when you're not 33 weeks pregnant). But it's not. My lack of mobility has forced me to tackle what I can, when I can, and I have so far tackled my clothes and shoes, purses and accessories, and a few of my books in my library. I've also had to slowly ease my husband into implementing the Konmari Method, and the best way to get anyone on board is to lead by example. And I did. I After I tidied up the majority of my belongings, I worked with my oldest daughter. I explained the method to her, and we began our journey together. Altogether, she collected 1.5 garbage bags full of trash, 2 garbage bags full of clothes and 1 garbage bag of stuffed animals to donate/throw away, 1 small moving box of books to donate/sell, and more space in her dresser drawers and book shelves than she now knows what to do with.
We are having a little trouble with my youngest daughter's room because it's smaller, and there are pieces of furniture that I (obviously) can't move around, that need to be relocated to different rooms. Although a minor inconvenience, it is also a deterrent to being able to move forward with the plan for tidying and organizing her room further. Nonetheless, we still managed to fill 3 garbage bags full of stuffed animals and another of clothes to donate/trash, and again, more space in her drawers than we know what to do with. My youngest thoroughly enjoys organization, thrives on order, but doesn't get out of control when her room is, well, untidy. Although inwardly, I'm afraid she's screaming for help on how to get the chaos that is her room in perfect order.
Between the three ladies in his life, my husband was able to catch a glimpse of the value in the Konmari Method, and although somewhat reluctant, was ready to empty his drawers and his side of the closet. This week, he purged 7 jackets, 3 dress shirts, 4 polo shirt, 12 t-shirts, 7 shorts, 2 suits, and a stack of other miscellaneous pieces of clothing. Purging coupled with applying the folding method that Kondo recommends, I have to say that all the dresser drawers in our entire family seem a bit barren, but extremely organized.
This whole experience has been enlightening. And although we're far from finished, our family is already seeing the benefits of the Konmari Method. We have been ready for a long time, but we needed a system that would guide us, that each person in the family could understand and implement from this point forward.
One of the biggest lessons I have been learning on this journey is letting go and moving forward.
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| Image from http://www.savers.com/donate/tips-for-donating |
In Jr. High, I sewed a dalmatian stuffed animal. Although decent for a first-timer, it was by anyone's standards, poorly made. It's head, ears, and eyes were lopsided, but I was proud of my creation. When I was 7-years old, my uncle and aunt gave me twin dolls, a boy and a girl. I loved those dolls and kept them for almost 30 years! I let my kids play with them too, and the head of the boy doll finally popped off. My oldest kept my dalmatian stuffed animal for nostalgia's sake, but she never really played with it--it's really quite ugly. As I sifted through the stuffed animals today to donate and throw away, I realized that the dog and the girl doll had outlived their purpose. They were too old and worn (and the dog too ugly) to be donated, but I didn't have the heart to throw them away.
I had to ask myself why I was having such a difficult time letting them go. It was because those moments of my childhood were the most innocent for me. I had a rough childhood, and from 4-years old and onward, I was always in a survival-state due to the nature of my home-life. I held onto these mementos beyond my childhood years because they represented joy during the periods throughout my life that I felt like I was living in darkness. Believe me when I say that letting go of these roughly 26-30 year old toys was actually very difficult for me. But I realized I had to. At this very moment, just writing about it and facing my sadness that I experienced for the majority of my childhood brings me to tears. But I can let go now.
I can let go because my children are my happiness, and their happiness depends on me. Although they have had to live through the separation of their parents--and now an estranged father--they are happy, healthy, and thriving. Yes. They've had some growing up to do since their father and I divorced, but that doesn't mean that they have lost their innocence. On the contrary, they are playful, imaginative, open, honest, and inquisitive. They feel safe asking my husband and I questions because they know that we will always be honest with them, never twisting or manipulating the truth. They know that they are fiercely protected, and we will stand between them and anyone who attempts to hurt them. We continue to work hard and make sacrifices to ensure that our children are in a loving and stable environment--because that's just what parents do. The children's needs come first, and we find ways to provide for them--never making excuses as to why they would go without. This is the commitment we have to our children. Their future matters to me, and this requires me letting go of a past that can still haunt me in my nightmares.
I'm bringing a new life into this world, and although I feel I've healed through the majority of my past, the leftover baggage I've been carrying around (literally and figuratively) has been hurting me and my family, and they deserve so much more! The mementos of my childhood, where they once gave me joy, now only brought me bittersweet feelings. Upon acknowledging the purpose they once served and realizing they have outlived their purpose, with a heavy heart, I was able to let them go.
Kondo touches on this with a philosophical approach:
When we really delve into the reasons why we can't let something go, there are only two: an attachment to the past or a fear for the future.What I experienced in childhood has directly affected my spiritual and political beliefs. My experiences also guides my passions today, makes me fight for the causes I stand for, provides a guideline on how I raise my children, and ultimately made me a stronger woman. I no longer fear for the future because everything I have is not measured in our possessions, but in the love that my family has for one another, and most importantly, for the worth I have found in myself. I have overcome nightmare after nightmare in my life, and I have shown all those that hurt me that they cannot break me.
I also have to give a shout out to my husband. He is an amazing father to my daughters, and from the moment I met him, he has shown me over and over that he will always stand by me. This pregnancy hasn't been easy, and he has made sure that I want for not a single thing to get me through the aches and pains. Since beginning this post, he has assembled the final touches of the children's desks, and moved around heavy pieces of furniture to complete the tidying project for their rooms. And the children give me a renewed hope for the future, knowing they will make a difference in the lives of other people as they have for me and my husband.
Baby Geddes doesn't yet realize how much she has changed our lives and the way I choose to approach my life from now on. I've already let go of the people (friends and family) who aren't healthy for me or my family:
a) Those who have hurt me or my family members and friends
b) Flakes...I can't stand flakes, related or not!
c) Those who keep relationships with sexual predators/convicted felons of sex crimes (yes...I actually have this on my list. Can you say, dysfunctional?
Letting go of toxic people and the pain they caused is quite a process and it can leave a wide, gaping hole in your heart, realizing that you were not worth as much to them as they were to you. I didn't realize that letting go of inanimate objects would also be hard because physical representations of our memories can conjure up so many emotions. But tidying up has really been like a cleansing of the soul for me. With no one to "blame" but myself for holding onto items that have outlived their purpose or did not bring me joy, I was able to confront myself and the decisions I've made in the past and find peace within myself.
As I continue this process of purging my belongings, I'm also purging my past. Turns out, that hole in my heart isn't as big and empty as I thought it was. It was already full. I just didn't know it. The worth I needed to see in myself in order to feel like I was worth being loved was there all along; I just needed loving and supportive people in my life to help me recognize this. And they have. With the love of my dear husband, the purpose my children bring me, and the many family members and friends whom I have cried and laughed with, my heart is full. But I also know that there's always room for more beautiful people with beautiful hearts to expand it.
Baby Geddes: You are that next person, and Mommy can't wait to meet you.
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